Father.........

I'm listening to Shekinah Glory and on one of the tracks one of the ministers is talking about his father and the kind of influence he was on him. I usually shy away from these types of songs because they make my heart heavy. My parents divorced when I was around 6 yrs old and I didn't really see my father anymore until I was about 15 and then only at school. Even that wasn't very often because I really didn't have a need to go down his hallway so to this day we do not have a close relationship. I don't have a close relationship with my mother either but I am thankful for all that they both do for my family. I made some terrible mistakes in my life, but I never thought that my children would be punished for them. They too are fatherless and watching them I realize exactly how important it is to have that male bond/love/discipline. Unfortunately their father is a very handsome, self-absorbed, good-time fella. He is always the life of the party, but that is where his priorities lie. On having a good time and looking good while doing it. I have been told that I shouldn't let him get away with that and that I should force him to for his kids. And I must admit that it is very hard, but the Lord has blessed us so that we are not on public assistance, I work full time, and my kids are always neat and well dressed when we go out so I don't bother him. I truly feel that when he grows up and evaluates his life, he's gonna realize exactly what he has missed out on. He's going to one day measure himself and find that he is lacking in the worth of a man category. When we were young and carefree I loved him without abandon, but when it stopped being fun and real life came crashing in on us he abandoned me and ultimately our children. I don't blame him or hate him. I should have known better. I knew what I wanted in a man, but I got so caught up in having fun that I stayed to long, strayed off my path and got lost. The clock struck 12 and it was midnight, but I was still in the castle partying. I forgot all about the warning that my fairy god-mother gave me and I stayed at the party until the end. Well we did have a lot of fun together and a lot of good times too. But unfortunately for my children I'm stuck here cleaning up the mess by myself. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone but I do know that I am stronger as a person and hopefully a lot wiser. :) I'm slowly but surely finding my way back on my path, but this time I have little people following me. And you always have more incentive to do better when you have people counting on you.